A Touch Of Faith

A Ramble

2010-08-28T13:21:00.000+08:00

Brunei trip has come and gone. I'm almost a month into my new vocation in a brand new environment, with brand new companions, and time seems to fly by pretty fast and furious.

So much has happened within such a short period of time. This life is now one that is pretty exciting I must admit, though at the same time there are many moments I feel empty.

Perhaps it is due to comparison with others, or maybe it is because I've finally opened my eyes and made some pretty important decisions.

I don't think I will regret any of these decisions. I made decisions regarding people, regarding my career, regarding my life and all of these impacted, or will impact me deeply over time to come. I've let go of some things, moved on from some things I never thought I would, and am starting a lot of things anew, on a fresh clean slate.

Decided to move on from a few people, whether related to relationships or friendship because I was really tired, and things were going nowhere, not in the foreseeable future. To be frank, I don't think that was the easy way out, to let it go. Letting go wasn't easy. It was freaking hell painful, though none of that pain was betrayed, and will not be visibly betrayed. It is a hint at an age old ego issue of guys, I guess, that because none of the that emotion felt will ever be comprehended or appreciated by the opposite party is the reason why I don't show any of what I feel out on the outside. One can almost say, there's no point.

But no use dwelling on such negativity as well. There's many other things worth appreciating.

Till then

Won't Go Home Without You

2010-07-15T14:41:00.000+08:00

So another 3 months have flew by. Next week, if all goes well I am going to receive my senior bar atop Elephant Hill and move on to whichever vocation in professional term.

Army, more specifically, Bravo Wing, has been a changing experience so far. Changed many bad habits, eradicated most of my sloth, rearranged my attitudes and realigned my mindsets. Got to know who is really important to me, who I should dedicate my time to, and who I shouldn't.

I won't say its been a super tough 3 months, but it has been tough enough, especially at the start, when I wasn't in the best state both mentally and physically. Luckily, things changed somehow, after Exercise Centipede and I became a better cadet, person and hopefully a better friend to the people around me.

Time seems to fly by so fast, albeit only in retrospect. Social night is tomorrow, something I'm quite excited about, even though I won't perform anymore due to my illness, and next Wednesday 79/10 OCC's service term will draw to a close. I've watched people come and go, be it for their medicine studies, or leave due to injuries, and more recently my buddy since CLM depart for his studies after having a successful appeal.

On the other hand, we've had so many Exercises where we tested our skills, and we ourselves were put to the test, so much so that service term seems like a power packed compilation of events that we would do well to chronicle instead of strike off and forget. Exercise Scorpion King and Exercise Rhino still serves as the best memories of service term, one in terms of our combined effort, the other in terms of our capabilities put to the test in actual live firepower, one where we excelled.

Now we are going to part.

It reminds me that life is full of hellos and goodbyes. The most pertinent thought about such happening is that the imprint we leave behind is the same story that gets written down as well.

I've got a couple of favourite songs these days. The title is one of them, and its really quite a very nice song in its blend of sadness and hope.

Till then:)

Here's to you

2010-04-18T21:11:00.001+08:00

Maybe the next 9 months will be the most challenging phase of my life, physically and mentally. I think, motivation to persevere will be of paramount importance. Luckily, I hope to be able to pull through with the support of my friends, family, and faith, and try to do my best in all I undertake.

Till 3 weeks later!

<3

The Important Things In Life

2010-04-12T00:01:00.004+08:00

Hello.

It's been a while since I've written anything here. A long long while. Hope that every one is well. :)

My life has changed. I'm no longer the exact same person my friends, family, and me used to know so well, and instead in his place is someone who can proudly say he has been through a lot more. Those who have been through the same rite of passage, I believe can say the same for themselves now.

It's been a positive change.

Life hasn't been too bad. In retrospect, the learning, discovery and bond buildings have made the previous 9 weeks the most fulfilling I could ask for. The things that we did are made memorable only by the people we held fast to.

The people with us physically, and the people in our hearts.

There are times, when each muscle is urging you to rest, when your brain seems to be overcome by fatigue so much so you just want to lie down and sleep. There are moments where the future seems impossible and your sense of purpose seems cloudy.

It's all in the mind, we learnt. We learnt to push on, to never say die, and to see the light at the end of the tunnel and then reach it.

For our parents, our families, our buddies, and the loves of our lives.

It is interesting to see different people powered by different forms of motivation, towards the same goal. It is reminiscent of how as individuals, we are after all left to function with our own unique devices, but to achieve together, we all have to aim there as one.

Still, I've always believed in fate bringing us into the future step by step and I have faith in all that we will be.

Maybe that's just you, and that's sunshine to me.

:)

Here's For You

2010-02-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

Roger that. I've got your message. It's safe with me. Take care. Be happy and smile. I'm always here for you. Over and out. :)

So tomorrow is the day. Or rather, the rite of passage.

I am wildly excited for a new experience. I am nervous about the things I might not expect. I am hopeful that things will turn out great.

But we never know what's going to happen in the future.

So all we can do is hope for the best for the future and may all be good for all of us!

So guys and girls, take loads of care.

And here's for you. The one that would be good right now.

Happy Birthday

2010-01-30T18:56:00.000+08:00

Best wishes on your 49th birthday, Daddy! :)

The Ticking

2010-01-25T22:18:00.000+08:00

Well. I never envisioned that the day would come when I would have to lament the passing of the this blog. Truth to be told, it seems near, but I know right now that its not time to close this blog. At least, not now.

Anyway, I've been pretty occupied in terms of schedule. In the days leading up to enlistment, I'm glad to have spent ample time with my family as well as met up with most people that I really wanted to meet. Still, there are a few I haven't met, which is a pity. Oh well.

Have really been enjoying these days, being out with my friends, my squad, CT pals and many many more!

And oh, 9 more days.

Remembering 2009's lessons

2010-01-19T22:32:00.000+08:00

The things don't make the difference. The people do. It's not what is accorded to us that matters. It's what we make out of the things we have that is important.

I would say 2009 was meaningful.

2009 was meaningful because of the ups and downs, the lessons learnt, the defeats, the victories, the moments and most importantly, the people. How often do you get to meet people whom you are sure you will never forget? Not everyday, as far as I'm concerned, but 2009 gave me meetings, or discoveries of people that would stay in my heart every day as I breathe.

Most of the year was spent in 3 places. VJ. NP. Home.

I'll write a short recollection of the year.

The first I will talk about is VJ.

VJ means a lot to me. Of all the schools I have attended, VJ will forever stand out as nothing less than the best. I am proud of being a Victorian, despite having seen a few subtle changes in the college and its workings over the past two years. To say VJ changed me would be an understatement because rather, VJ had a big role in shaping and making me. It's as simple, yet as poignant as that.

The school spirit might not have been good enough for some. Still, it was good enough for many of us. Soaking it in at the times when it mattered, remembering it otherwise. Those were the days.

My experience in CT Council was a roller coaster. All of the ups which I enjoyed and most of the downs which I do not regret. If those downs did anything, they served a role as a teacher outside of the classroom. A teacher I am sure could not have been found elsewhere.

The good lay in the experience garnered from event planning, as well as the friendships. There is no doubt as to which one I treasure more, which is the latter.

The council is big, even for a single batch of 46. But in this big cluster of councillors I met friends that now mean a lot to me, especially after all that we've been through. For some of them, I would walk to the ends of the earth. Just so you know, the 17th CT Council is what I, together with many of us I'm sure, call a home outside of home. I'm not going to be pompous and make it sound like all 46 of us were all the best of pals because that's pretty far fetched, but I'll still proudly say that to many of us, we're not a group. Rather, we are family.

The fun made us better. The fights that didn't kill us? They made us stronger.

But it wasn't always a bed of roses.

In 2009, especially in the first half of the year, council (at least, council events) became a burden emotionally and mentally. It was a busy period, those first few months and in the rush of the new school year, I lost myself, as well as what I was supposed to stand for. I ended up standing for something that I now recoil at. Those who know me will know which events I am referring to. March camp. Exco elections. Those were difficult times, and it took its toll on many of us. In retrospect, something that can be remembered and well learned is the subjectivity of interpretation. The well-meaning we feel towards anyone or anything must be conveyed in an appropriate or at least, near-universal manner. We didn't do that and much of that fault was mine. I am really sorry for that. I apologise.

Some bridges were burned. Most were repaired.

You know how it works with relationships. It's just like building a bridge across the river to join two people. It's alright when bridges break. It's how we repair things. If we put in a whole lot of effort and resources to give recoveries a shot, then the bridge of friendship will turn out stronger, sturdier, more lasting. It's a two way process that often sounds easier than it actually is.

To my dearest friends in Exco, I'm glad we did it. I'm glad we did it and we did it well. To the 17ths, I'm really thankful for what we've got today because it wasn't easy getting here from the start. To the council teachers and the wonderful teachers I've had the honour of working with, thank you for the words of advice, and bracing words of comfort in the face of adversity.

I once heard that it's not easy to be an Exco member of a CCA in JC. Still, I'm not saying the above statement is right. It might be a breeze for some.

I will always call my experiences in council a beautiful journey. That collar pin? It means nothing if we don't make anything out of it. That's the first line of what was said in this post. The logo on the tag? It doesn't matter. It's the name on it that does. It's the people that make the journey alive.

Then for many of us, 2009 was the year 08A15 really got to know each other better. Maybe we were cohesive in 2008. But to me, we became bonded in 2009.

Compared to many other classes, our class was perhaps one of the classes with the most desirable class dynamics. We didn't fight (at least, only very rarely and very quickly resolved), had no exclusive cliques and generally spent much time together in school everyday.

Time passes very quickly. We must have sat through dozens of economics lectures on the right of LT1, literature tutorials all over the place, and geography classes as well. We met in the canteen as a rallying point because of our diversified timetables. Where A15 was concerned, you always knew you would never be alone in school at any point of time.

That's what made us so comfortable with each other, I guess. I am so happy that have forged many strong friendships with my pals in the class. Words cannot concisely spell out individual friendships with 20 classmates, tutors and one civics tutor over two years.

And the essence is here. 08A15 will forever be in a special place in my heart.

Apart from being in class and council, VJ also gave other things. Those are the things I blogged about in this domain over the course of the year. One day, I will re-read those archives. I am sure they will make me smile!

So, as we liked to say in the NPCC room, 'onwards'.

Many things happened in the NPCC context in 2009.

Actually, the year was relatively smooth sailing.

That seems to contradict, but believe me, the 1 1/2 years in the unit I have come to love taught me more than I could have ever hoped to learn as a trainee in 2008. The most important lesson was "Others Before Self".

The many thoughts I have felt about NPCC and its lessons are well chronicled in my own personal diaries all over the place. So today, I guess I will share one other thought that has been reverberating in my mind as of late.

Every little thing requires a platform of sorts. Without this platform, there is little, or virtually no hope for progress. The skills that we learn, such as camp craft and foot drills only serve us best when done in a group. No man is an island. As I found myself explaining to a parent of a prospective cadet just last week, in NPCC the group effort allows us to put things together and complete a puzzle that would be far more beautiful than if done alone.

Maybe a square lash will help you with some convenience in your life. Maybe learning how to execute sharp drills will earn you a certain degree of admiration. But definitely, putting lashes together in a team to form a swing, a gateway or to pitch a tent simply smacks of teamwork. The same can be said of a squad accomplishing that one solid bang with sharpness and precision. The more we do it, the better we get because we get to know each other better with time.

The bonds only get stronger because we've been through something tangible.

Also, the attainment of something only constitutes half the journey. Maybe you can add another chevron or crest to your rank after being affirmed. But as we gradually realised (the CIs and the NCO squad together), it's not the title or accreditation that makes the clock tick. Again, it's what we make out of what we have. You get something because you've hit the bar. After a celebration, we'll all aim to raise the bar together once more.

We also learnt that we can't always have our way. Maybe something will block your way. Obscure your vision. Cripple your aspirations.

Always be patient. What is troubling us will come to pass. And our brotherhood will forever remain.

And Home?

Home is the best place in the world, as it has always been.

My mother is the best woman in the world. My dad is the best man in the world. For want of a better word, my brother is the best young man in the world.

To me. That's all that needs to be said about home, really.

And lastly,

This is a post I wrote some time ago. Please take a look at it. This is dedicated to my friends and family.

Love,
Greg

Council Chalet

2010-01-07T23:06:00.002+08:00

Council chalet was a great getaway. A nice 'suburban' district bungalow by the beach with resplendent waters and the roar of plane engines coming back home. Late night chats with just about everyone that really taught me a lot. Swimming with the boys. The steam bath on two days. The barbeque with two batches. Reliving the craziness of the 17ths. The long walks. The meals with the council. The photos taken and the writings made. Oh and I nearly forgot to mention the times we spent with the 17ths doing what we do best. Everything. Haha!

My best memory of the chalet will always be the trek we took to the secret point bar that allowed us to discover a vantage point for watching sunrises in the future. It wasn't easy getting there. But we dared, and we made it. Watching the sky grow brighter with a hint of a sun (that turned out to be lava from a volcano on the other side), seeing a mini-twister, and the vast expanse of storm clouds hurtling our way from many kilometers away was really an unnerving and wonderful experience that will be deeply etched in my head. Even though we got into the way of stray dogs, la lang, sand in the wind, and eventually a storm, I'm sure that little crew of 5 that went out in search of sunrise on the morning of 7th January will never forget that experience.

CTC. Thanks for everything, really.

2009-12-31T21:39:00.002+08:00

Hello there. I'll be going Malaysia tomorrow with my brother. Am quite looking forward to the getaway. Happy New Year fellows. (:

A Little Note

2009-12-27T23:20:00.002+08:00

This morning my family went to exercise together at ECP at 6 plus in the morning! It was quite cool, definitely enjoyable. Especially feeling the wind whip our faces fresh with the windows wound down on the highway. I would like this to become a permanent fixture.

Some Random Memories From June 2008

2009-12-22T17:06:00.000+08:00

Chanced upon these photos in a little folder this morning. Good memories of CIBTC! (: Pity the rest of the photos taken are of quite a low quality, so shall just post a few slightly better ones up here.

How different we all looked back then!

A Memory Log

2009-12-11T14:12:00.002+08:00

So far in the holidays, I haven't exactly been getting up to much.

1) Spending time with family
2) Exercising with friends
3) Taking walks and photographs
4) A couple of days of shopping with friends and family
5) Had prom recently with 08A15
6) Doing a bit of writing every moment of inspiration

Autobiographical recollections on a regular basis have taken 2nd precedence for me as of late, because of a re-ignited interest in picture blogging as well as the writing of a book. Life has been pretty eventful after the A levels, and I guess I can count that as a little piece of satisfaction from the way life is, now, eventful.

Yesterday, upon invitation from a friend of mine, I went to a tea session for a Singaporean firm which turned out to be an introduction to the multi-level marketing industry in Singapore. The 2 hours spent there were illuminating to say the least, about the way business worked for most. It was all about money, and the attainment of it. The longer the period one worked there, it seemed that the emphasis on it grew larger. After the manager's effort, most people in the group joined them, but Weisong and I didn't. I guess we felt uneasy in a myriad of ways that were a little hard to define.

There are 2 more months left to enlistment. I guess that with enlistment, many things in life will change, some definitely for the better, some possibly for the worst. A little regret of having been born in '91 would be that my parents will have to spent around 7 months of time not seeing their children for weekdays. So weekends willl become paramount in importance for us.

I will try to blog again soon. I have a strong desire to blog about my experience in VJ, 08A15, as well as about the directions in life that seem so foggy.

Till then, I will try to leave you a legacy.

Take care, my dear friends. (:

Over

2009-11-27T11:36:00.003+08:00

I had a whale of time yesterday at my favourite place with one of my good friends! Really missed the island with its rustic charm and quaint feeling, was really glad to be back. And despite the heat, we made it to all the places including the 2km (HAHA) mountain top! Oh and I saw my first wild boar in ubin! (:

Post As are really here, and 2 years of JC life has passed just like that. It's been a beautiful journey, and I'll write about it in a few days to come.

Goodluck to A15 TSD kids! And those still taking As. Jiayou!

I love my CPE, PEs and INVs. Do you?

2009-11-22T11:24:00.005+08:00

The exams have been all sorts of exciting! Late nights, pre exam jitters, last minute crisis's, emotional upheavals before and after but especially during the exam when you find out nothing you studied comes out, collective sighs of relief, desperation, or dumb muteness at the end of every paper, and who can forget the exact same phrasing of instructions before every paper? I honestly fear for the results, but I've done my best, I hope, and left no room for regrets. (:

Candidates, you are reminded that you are not allowed to bring into the hall any unauthorised items such as hand phones, pagers, or any other devices capable of storing and displaying visual or verbal information. If they are found in your possesion or on your table during the examination, it will be deemed as a dishonest act. If you have any such items in your possesion, please bring them to the front of the hall now.

Place your NRIC and entry proof on the right hand corner of your table. Today's paper is 1234/01/Subject, please check that you have got the correct question paper and the correct stationary, writing materials and a cover page.

There will be 3 hours given for this paper, the timing will be strictly followed, and no extra time for the reading of questions will be given. This paper will start at 2p.m. and end at 5p.m.

You may write your name, centre number, index number and subject on the cover page now.

The time now is 2p.m., you may start writing.

Literature in English/9725/01

2009-11-18T10:57:00.001+08:00

The End of Love

by Sophie Hannah

The end of love should be a big event.
It should involve the hiring of a hall.
Why the hell not? It happens to us all.
Why should it pass without acknowledgement?

Suits should be dry-cleaned, invitations sent.
Whatever form it takes – a tiff, a brawl –
The end of love should be a big event.
It should involve the hiring of a hall.

Better than the unquestioning descent.
Into the trap of silence, than the crawl
From visible to hidden, door to wall.

Get the announcement made, the money spent.
The end of love should be a big event.
It should involve the hiring of a hall.

Out of Danger

by James Fenton

Heart be kind and sign the release
As the trees their loss approve.
Learn as leaves must learn to fall
Out of danger, out of love.

What belongs to frost and thaw
Sullen winter will not harm.
What belongs to wind and rain
Is out of danger from the storm.

Jealous passion, cruel need
Betray the heart they feed upon.
But what belongs to earth and death
Is out of danger from the sun.

I was cruel, I was wrong -
Hard to say and hard to know.
You do not belong to me.
You are out of danger now -

Out of danger from the wind,
Out of danger from the wave,
Out of danger from the heart
Falling, falling out of love.

The First

2009-11-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

Thanks so much to all the people who have been so sweet to send messages of encouragement and spreading the hope around!

In retrospect, paper 1 was really quite a disaster. Overstating casualty figures, mixing up countries in riparian conflicts, getting dates wrong and not knowing what constitutes a limestone landform, amongst many other smaller errors. Still, Daisy tells me not to cry over spilt milk, and so I won't let this get me down and not get ourselves all angry and hyped over silly things and smile more! Math paper tomorrow, hope we all ace this together! Good luck guys! (:

2 weeks more!

2009-10-28T02:13:00.003+08:00

When I was studying for my O levels, a senior of mine (who was then taking his A levels) came up to me and commented that compared to the As, the Os were cheap. I'm not sure if I agree, bearing in mind the fact that I just managed to scrape through my Os. But the fact is, the As are so much tougher, and yet in comparison, I've had so much less preparation.

Still, I'll cherish this last two weeks and make full use of my time. Thanks Mum for having been so awesome, and Dad too. And Bro for your letter from India. And friends who have been wishing me good luck, and classmates/friends who have been great company through this period. I really do appreciate all of you very much! (Especially family) Thank you! (:

So, GOODLUCK AND ALL THE BEST MY FRIENDS! :D

The World

2009-10-21T23:56:00.006+08:00

You used to say that the world was a very cruel place. I went on a jog today, and I must have crossed many tens of people along the way. Smiling at most of them, less than ten of them really smiled back. It must have been, that either I didn't smile for long enough, or the world was really a cruel place. Because I don't want you to live in a cruel world, I'd choose to believe that it was because I never really smiled, anytime. (:

THANK YOU GUYS!

2009-10-12T23:56:00.003+08:00

I really don't know how to start this post so I used this line instead. Truth to be told, I thought I would be forgotten during this day, but I wasn't and I have all of you guys to thank! And so I really want to thank everyone for all that you guys did because it's really something I won't forget in a hurry. Though I won't list out all your names here, please know that I really really appreciate all your well wishes, gifts and more! (:

The past few days have definitely not been easy, and coinciding with the birthday really wasnt something I anticipated. But it was you guys that let me realise despite all the odds, we're never really alone and if we open our eyes wide enough, we can actually be touched to tears!

I had a really quiet day, but a really good birthday which was awesomely memorable as well! So again from the very bottom of heart, thank you. (:

The End

2009-10-11T12:31:00.005+08:00

I cannot use more than a very heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone from A15, for everything we've ever gone through together. The past few weeks in particular were in fact one of the best weeks the class has ever gone through together. The most important thing is that, we don't need any other because we've already got each other. A15 all the way!

(:

2009-09-27T00:14:00.005+08:00

I'd like to jot this post down before I forget to post the pictures when I have them. Here goes, I've had an awesome weekend after the prelims. Our class outing was quite successful and extremely fun, where we played games at my family chalet and went for quite an interesting walk and spooky chat at the Pasir Ris beach breakwaters till the wee hours. Today was my brother's birthday party before he leaves for India, and it was really quite a fun day as well despite all that appeared unpromising at the start of the day. Towards the evening there were many guests, friends and relatives alike, and socialising was really pleasant and enjoyable! Had a whale of a time chatting with my cousins and relative, a few DHS juniors that my brother got to befriend during NDP, and his army friends. I think he really enjoyed today too, with the fine support of friends and family as well as the multitudes of delightful presents. Happy 21st Birthday in advance!

23rd September

2009-09-23T20:08:00.001+08:00

I enjoy learning.

Who understands best?

2009-09-18T22:59:00.013+08:00

Everyone possesses some innate traits, and if my opinion is of any value, I believe that is indisputable. Innateness of character causes debate, makes people disagree, induces strife, and potentially shows the beauty of a person due to his/her own cardinal virtues. The way we are built to see things, feel things, and act on things rests purely on ourselves by virtue of our own unique experiences that are so compelling that we imbue it as part of our existence. Our experiences have shaped us to become who we are today and our experiences of today shape us to become who we are tomorrow.

I think, that is why people say it is our choices, rather that who we are, that define us in the end. I never understood it properly until today. From the time we are born, our actions are unconsciously made and the web of innateness starts weaving it's own pattern in our minds. It permeates itself into our minds with every action till the day we are able to make conscious decisions and let experiences take their role in determining the next step of our lives.

I think no mentally competent individual can know himself/herself better than anyone but himself/herself. If a person is good and does good, the conscious mind knows and registers this act into some inextricable logbook in our heads. When a person does something bad, the conscious mind similarly records the action. In fact, anyone who has ever experienced societal life will be prone to adherence to a moral system of sorts, in order to conform to expectations for the goal of maximum utility.

To say that a person does not know what himself/herself is doing is idealistic presumption, and a delusion of logic. My view is that when we lie, we invariably know that we are lying. Whether our conscience reacts only depends on whether we think that the particular lie (white lie or otherwise) is right or wrong.

White lies have definitions. Even Robin Hood's thievery is well justified by the fables. If someone does something good, it may well have arose out of his/her innate goodness, or his experiences, and he/she will know it. When someone does something not so good, it will also have been done by virtue of either innate badness or experiences that leads to his/her personal value judgement. Thus, to say that someone is unconscious of his/her own actions is surely a fallacy unless a person is unable to achieve competence of mind.

I believe that every decision we make arises out of a previous or current struggle of the mind. We struggle with the implications and dichotomies of the decision before we set our hearts to accomplish something. Whether we make this decision with haste or after a lengthy consideration is not an issue as irregardless of time spent, surely an argument would have formulated in our heads and a conclusion reached. With multitudes of experience, our decisions become faster and easier to make, and an allusion to the experience of a judge would be applicable in such a scenario. Our minds becomes a jury which considers trials of potential decisions before coming up with a verdict. Also, it's not that we don't know ourselves well. Sometimes, reflectivity is innate too.

The point that is to be made is: Everyone is conscious of their own decisions, probable consequences and implications of morality. Unless one is in a state of delirium or incompetence when the decision is made, any one person with rational thought will know what he/she is doing. Whether he/she is able to differentiate between morally correct and wrong is a different piece of puzzle altogether.

A few hours after writing this post, I stumbled to yet another revelation, that we are all mirrors of each other after all. If everyone were to be able to see that each individual is fighting a personal battle, facing our own insecurities and battling our own fears, the world will be a gentler place. I'll do my best to bear this in mind! (:

08A15

2009-09-16T19:34:00.002+08:00

In the rush of the penultimate exam, we may know nothing that stands out of the mad race that is our syllabus, but there is one thing I know with clarity. I will really miss our class when the time comes to part in a few months.

Let's stick together team!

Bilionair's Eyes

2009-09-11T21:17:00.003+08:00

Most things we look toward in life are not physical. The physical things come as a sideline, and will be nothing more than a mere reward or accountrement. They will break one day, for nothing physical lasts forever. One day it will leave you, as surely as your last breath will leave your lips. We just don't know when.

However, there's something that lasts forever, and will never leave if it is true. Do you know what it is?

Happinesssurvey's notes

2009-08-29T22:23:00.004+08:00

These notes are not written for fun. They are, essentially another person's attempt at trying to paint the world a little brighter, one step at a time. Sometimes, it seems queer as to why I'm doing this everywhere I go nowadays, and sometimes, people say it doesn't mean much. But it is comforting to believe that for every little thing that is written, the world becomes a little brighter. Have a little hope, a little faith, and a lot of love. We'll all smile together, you and me, and the rest of the world. No one is ever alone, even if they close their eyes, you know.

USES

2009-08-10T22:29:00.003+08:00

You haven't lost, if you haven't quit! And I'll always remember the promise, and remember to wish. (:

Versace's Seasons

2009-08-03T22:00:00.007+08:00

Most of the time, it's just too easy for us to miss out what we're not looking for, isn't it? When we revisit some of the places that we once trod through in life, sometimes the realisation of what could have been comes with a jolt of regret so strong that we reel from it, scarcely recovering from the wave of little memories that bring back those days we remember so fondly.

I used to devote my pursuits and attention to people and things that I invariably believed was meant to be close to my heart. A few years on, and a sudden dawning later, I now come to understand that by only choosing to recognise and believe in the things closer to us, we inevitably close our hearts and minds in a subconcious measure, blocking out what and who may really be so important to us, that we didn't realise, at least, until it was too late.

Do you remember a time, possibly in the past, maybe even now, when someone used to care/cares a lot for you? And maybe, just maybe, we were too absorbed in our preconceived ideals of another person, or simply couldn't bring ourselves to care as much, and conveniently neglected the fact that there were others around, others who really cared, and gave us the best they could. For some of these people, there are chances that we might have never reciprocated, aren't there?

But because life seems unfair, and what we feel may never be returned in equal measure, or vice versa, gradually the list of "Others" in our lives appears to grow steadily, but subconciously still. For me, I seldom, if ever attributed my triumphs and happiness to all of those who really mattered and shone through as people I really admire and respect for their ability to love and and be loved. Instead, much of these self-accolades of joy were only shared with those that seemed a little closer to this heart of mine.

It is something that I am personally ashamed of, on this day. It was not easy to face up to the knowledge that all through my life in secondary school and till junior college, there were times aplenty that I never gave my best to those who really cared, choosing to trudge on roads that brought me closer, but never close enough before deciding that it wasn't right, stepping back, and turning back, like a cycle of meaningful seasons.

I turned back, in the end. But when I turned back, some of these people were already gone. Like the winds of change that brought about the change of direction, something died inside of me when I opened my eyes to see that some things and people that really mattered in life, were just not coming back, even if you grew to care as well, in the end. It was, and in my opinion, still is a pity of tremendous proportions that as much as we hear and read about it, we continue to only recognise the heartfelt inspiration given to us some people that touched our lives, only after they left or turned away.

I guess our lives are lived like seasons that come and go, breathing fresh life and a little touch of hope into our smiles every cycle. But as we live, some things should never be taken for granted, for although summer comes and goes, the sunflower that we watched bloom under warmth and care will not be the same sunflower when the next summer arrives again. What we are left with, are but pretty little memories of radiant smiles and lovely whispers, that much as we miss, will never come again, meant to be kept and treasured in our hearts, like footprints in the snow.

Feels like forever

2009-07-30T22:21:00.004+08:00

We watch those seasons come and go, like a musical that runs again and again, without a script, but nevertheless beautiful in speech. Have you gone so far ahead already, that you've forgotten to look back and see that I'm still here?

Living life for others

2009-07-28T19:14:00.005+08:00

Today, I was presented with an offer that I had been yearning for almost my entire teenage life. After clearing all those tests, it seemed a little miraculous in itself that my youthful idealism was about to be realised, and that the chance of being a commando trainee was offered to me for the taking.

But as life is life, in the end, I had to look at this offer, and look at myself shaking my head, hearing my mouth forming apologies and declinations. and leave a little emptier, and my heart a little heavier. But as much as declining means the end of my aspirations to try to reach the red beret, I take consolation in knowing that my parents mean the most to me, above all, and pride in knowing that I have managed to obey their wishes. And nothing on this world can compensate for the worry they expressed they would face if I were to be enlisted there. At least, they are happy and relieved, and that is a real comfort to me.

The Passing Out Address that I was too overcome to read out

2009-07-26T19:31:00.003+08:00

Dear Officers, HOs, CIs, NCOs and Cadets,

The only single expression that would mean the most today, for many of us, is the expression of thanksgiving. It is on this day that with my deepest gratitude, I look back upon the times that this unit has given to me, from the day I was posted to this unit, 26th July 2008 till 364 days later on today, 25th July 2009.

Truth to be told, I had never asked to be posted to GMS(S), but it is the very coincidence of being posted here that taught me the importance of not only accepting what we cannot change, but also in embracing all that life puts in store for us. The daunting prospect of being thrown into a unit by which I had no previous experience frankly put me on my guard, for I was afraid of the unknown, to a certain extent.

Yet this unit never made it a problem for me to settle in at all. Right from the moment I stepped into this unit, you guys accorded me with heartwarming hospitality and for the Officers of this unit, you provided me with kind guidance and bracing words. Thank you Mr Chua, Mr Ng, Mr Faizal, and HO Kian Wah for all the things you have taught me, which I will treasure deeply.

I especially would like to thank CI Ian for being the light in my darkness initially, and for having shared this phenomenal year with me, through thick and thin, laughter and tears, the moments of happiness and the times where we faced challenges and setbacks. Our moments of fun, where we stood in the NP Room and talked about the most ridiculous but memorable things, our times in camps where we stood together and talked about everything under the sun, and the times where we racked our heads to improve the unit are times I won't forget in a hurry. For having always been there for the unit and for myself, as well as having been the very best peer I could hope to have, it is my wish that I can salute you, and request that the unit follows me in my salute to you. I also ask of the unit that in the upcoming year ahead, you will provide your new CI, CI Illya with your utmost support and guidance, and show him the ropes of the unit.

Change is almost always challenged. For the passing out batch, it is no doubt that we have faced many challenges in our attempt to revamp the unit, and bring it to where it stands today. Your hard work and dedication to this course has paid off in ways that we all did not imagine possible, and today as some of you leave the unit, whilst some of you will return after your N levels, I hope that you will always remember that nothing exists in the world of whether we can or cannot, but exists in our knowledge that for our endeavours, there only exists the fact that our success depends on whether we want it or not. Thank you, for having been such great people to work with, and I have learnt a great many things for all of you, from learning to be positive all the way in the face of disappointment, and from learning to be the best that we can be for the sake of others more than ourselves. It is a quiet wish of mine to see as many of you return to serve the unit after your exams, which I know you will do well, if you do at all. All the best, for your exams!

To the incoming batch of NCOs, you as a squad do not only represent the 23rd batch, but also as the 1st to undergo what you have come to know as the NCO training phase. As proud graduands, you guys have transformed in the way that only people in our unit can see, from individuals in a squad, to a team that calls themselves a squad. I believe that Ian and I have been touched deep in our hearts many times by your efforts, and many times where you proved to us that impossible indeed, was nothing. Thank you for having planned such a magnificent POP for all of us, it was truly our most memorable day in this unit. I hope that your learning will propel you to lead the unit well in our absence, and when you are challenged or worried, always do remember the NCO Creed that you said with so much pride in the ceremony. Faith goes many ways, often all the way. We have confidence that you will be one of, if not the best squad of leaders that this unit has seen. I wish that you as a squad will stick together, have faith, and keep dreaming big, just like what you guys have always shown me.

To the Sec 1s and 2s, training years will not be easy. But always remember that you are not alone. Together with your squadmates, you represent the hopes and aspirations of this unit's aims, and the future depends on you. Train hard, play hard, and bond fast. Hopefully, in a few months time, cute guys like you will have turned into young leaders like your NCOs. Good luck!

And it is GMS(S) NPCC, which has really taught me that in any organisation, it is not the activities, nor the structure of things which remain in the long run. The very meaning of life and the places we pass through lies in the people we meet. It is through my experiences in the Corps that I have learnt to try to place others before self in training and following. Whether we recall the times we ran during our physical training, pushing on despite our lethargy, or drilling under the hot sun, being at camps out of our comfort zones, or simply all the little memories of laughter and tears, nothing would have been possible without any one person.

On this note, thank you, for having been part of one of the most memorable years I have had in the Corps, and every memory is a memory I will treasure forever. Who's the best. You are. Thank you very much!

I hope you know somebody loves you

2009-07-22T22:23:00.005+08:00

The initial fear of being infected with H1N1 dissipated as the doctor pronouced that I simply had a nasal and throat infection, due to my allergy to excessive dust. It was quite discomforting, the past few days having to live with such ailments. And it took it's toll, I guess, and I took the day off from school today.

I always felt that being wrapped up in the comfort of home, taking in the peace and quietness whilst listening to the beatings of the rain against the window pane was quite a surreal experience, especially when that part of your human nature knows that most of your peers are in lessons, and there you are snuggled in the warmth of your bed. It is not a nice feeling, if you look deeper, and recognise that a little part of you is revelling in being, different from the rest.

Life barely feels right nowadays. I look at you, and things seem to have changed, and so much seems to have been lost in unspoken communication. It is hard to predict what's about to happen next, and I feel like a little toy car under the control of a remote, skittling under and through the legs of the throngs and throngs of people that hustle me along, in my journey to find you. It is precarious, but sometimes everything seems to be normal, or is it just me and my insecurities?

Once I read somewhere, that (probably) Mark Twain said that we ought to do something we do not want to do everyday. I followed that, whenever I remember to, and it's really a good thing to do. And it leads me to think, especially after having completed my IS draft on ethics, that sometimes our own decisions may not warrant what we term moral decisions, if it is indeed based on expectations of others, instead of ourselves. Oh well, at least it's finally submitted, that tough piece of work.

And this, is my wish.

Seeing Angel

2009-07-14T22:47:00.001+08:00

I just had the most awesome day I've had in a long time! Met up with Jinkai and had a wonderful chat, really meaningful and nice. Thanks bro!

For Honour & Glory

2009-07-11T19:42:00.005+08:00

Hey friends, how are you?

So common test 2 is already over, in a flash. Many case studies, arguments, essays and a near empty maths paper later, a little bit of me is oddly relieved, because we shouldn't be at all. But this is probably the time to start studying seriously, for me at least, if I want to even have any hope of going to university. In 2 weeks time, I'll have no more CCA commitments and it'll really be study time! (I hope)

I wanted to come here to write about something I've been thinking about since I got the letter last night, but on second thought, I think I'll give this thought a miss. We'll just see where life takes us.

Had a lot of thoughts over the week, it was quite an eventful week despite the exams, but well, there's nothing much to be said. I hope everyone is well, and happy! (:

Goodbye

2009-07-05T14:15:00.004+08:00

So we're letting Cloud go today. It's been more than 3 years, and though I've often not been the best of owners, it still pains me a little to know that this would be the last of times that I'll see him, before we release him back into where he'll thrive best at the big farm where they rear all the fishes and terrapins. At least we know he'll be happier there, which is a real consolation. From the moment my grandma bought him for me till 3 years ago, he's grown from the size of my little finger to larger than my palm altogether, it's been a long time.

Not holding on

2009-07-04T11:45:00.003+08:00

I wrote a song this morning in the wee hours, it was a sad song, and I let my friend see it. I instinctively feared it was crappy, but she really made my day when she said it was awesome and it nearly made her cry. Though it is highly unlikely that she will see this post, I still wish to say, thank you. (:

So I went for an early morning jog, as usual to ECP. Was supposed to watch the sunrise, but Quanyi and I met later than we arranged to, plus we ran quite slowly because we have grown rather unhealthy. But we made it there on time and watched the sky grow brighter and brighter steadily. We watched a sunrise without the sun. But all the way, the sea breeze was awesome, and really uplifting. We walked back and had breakfast, and I went home to watch "Yes Man". Inspirational, really.

It came as a thought today, that amongst the hustle and bustle of everyday life, sunrises symbolise a dawning of hope. It tells us that no matter how dark and precarious our situation seems to be, the day will come when light descends uponst us and shows us how beautiful the world really is. I felt it today, that surge of energy and for want of a better word, hope. Magnificently, the sun's rays as it spreads out over the clear blue sky casts an ode to the start of the brand new day, new beginnings, and better times to come.

What if I didn't forget passion like you did?

2009-07-01T22:23:00.008+08:00

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating

This line above was found in a corner of "Hope" today, I think it's from Broken by Lifehouse. Hope is my notebook, by the way. To whoever shared this beautiful line, thank you so much for writing it, it was really something beautiful to read. The book has become a little cottage of quotes and lines about songs, love, life, and filled with colourful scribbles left from markers. A quick count revealed more than 40 short but meaningful lines that flowed from the pen tip.

School was alright, things were getting easier to accept, and I gradually overcame the secret fear of turning the corners, and opening my eyes wider made things seem a little bit better. I think I might just recover in the end. Lessons were nicer today, and it was sweet to see the seniors back at the council room after so long. Oh did I mention? Last Sunday, the predecessor and successor met up for their 2009 outing after so long and it was awesome fun.

Relieved old times studying at Kallang KFC with Winky today, and Qy came along thereafter. We walked home, a good few kilometres, and it was really reinvigorating, that quality time.

Actually there are a great many things that I'd wish to tell you. Did I tell you? I didn't say it out, but I felt them all the same, you know?

Point of view

2009-06-30T19:37:00.002+08:00

The bus ride home today was nice, and peaceful. Indeed, it has been a long time since I have experienced the feeling of being "zen" and at peace. Stretching out and leaning back, my roving eyes found the parting in the skies which separated the blue and grey amongst the sky, clouds lazily drifting along the purpose of the wind. A pity the ride ended fast though, it would have been to allow the melange of thoughts and emotions to wash over me.

Chats with classmates during school time was awesome, it's been a long while since the class has all gathered together, and it's great to be back at school despite the aura of fear creeping around the school, with regards to the flu and the exams. Studying has not been the most productive, but at the very least, it has not been counter-productive. Catching up with Evan after school was really nice, because it's been quite a long while, really! It's been a good day.

I penned a rainbow of thoughts in my little notebook today

The Boy & The Gardener

2009-06-27T20:53:00.005+08:00

There is a loneliness that can be rocked. Like a fairy tale that came to naught. The old satin coverings on that weather-beaten veranda swing continued to bear testimony to his embattled facade, to yield or not to yield.

A struggle like this had never been seen in living memory. He grappled with his own controversies, his very own self a marionette that couldn't turn back, strings cut loose, dangling. With equanimity he twirled that walking stick and drew the rusty keys from beneath his cloak, those rugged hands betraying a hint of gentle affection as he venerated what he beheld.

The mellifluous river, he had never been contrary to plunging his hands into that blessed stream he had often frolicked with gaiety in his childhood. Many a little paper boat had left his hands, to sail down and out his garden, through little wonder that cut from behind the garden, and left the porch, just before the gate. It had been long, since the last boat sailed. And he had aged. There was little, if any hint of the little boy that used to zealously run around the little garden like a pony cantering across the field. In his place was now a man, 50 years older, wiser, more powerful, and of course, more tired.

It was that burly gardener. Irascible as always. He had not responded kindly to mother's effusive banter. Suspicious, probably having something to hide, an arcanum to conceal. The father had thought he was bullying her. She had merely asked him to do something about the many stones in her garden. So they fought. It happened very quickly. Abomination, it did. He had begged him to stop! Something twinkled behind those beady eyes, was it pity, as he continued to cause those stones to fall from nothing in the sky? The kid crying as he tugged at the trousers of the gardener, saying those words, please, stop, as only a child would. At least he had lenity for the child. But the rest fell, into that eternal silence. The boy lived, whisked away by doting grandparents. The gardener, it was as if he never existed. He could have turned into a rock, not unlike the ones he summoned, for all anyone could tell.

Say it, sign it, and you will never have to see this house again. That pestilential agent, drawn to nothing but the prospect of a quick commission. The agent, just like everybody else would never hazard a guess at the story of this house. He wouldn't tell anyone, nobody would believe him, anyway. Would you?

And so he signed it. The house, the porch, and satin covered swings, were all but erased from tangible existence. The stream still flows though, pretty little oasis amongst the rocks.

Sunshine book

2009-06-24T18:19:00.004+08:00

The weather, oh it's cold from where we are today, the sky a misty white, raindrops falling, washing off my window, listing at the sill. A cool draft gently lands every now and then, sending a little chill. The weather does influence us to be pensive, for it is quiet as well, where we are, nobody is in sight within a good few metres, and everything looks different, doesn't it, when we look past our fogged window? There's something I seem to be holding on to, those lovely memories, almost like a book, a sunshine book. The warmly loving sun's nowhere to be seen now, it's all misty, and cloudy. Perhaps, to really feel and embrace the rays of the sun, there is a need to experience times, when the sun is elusive. The sun will shine one day. It hasn't forgotten us, and we haven't forgotten each other, you know?

Memories and Music

2009-06-22T22:29:00.002+08:00

The pages flip and the songs trawl through that inexhasutible list. It was quietly reassuring to recapture the memories of the days when different songs used to matter more, where a snippet of music could bring a smile, or a pang to the heart, seemingly without effort at all. Maybe memories are akin to bits and pieces of songs. Some memories are awesome, some repugnant, there are gemlike ones, and less than stellar ones. There are beautiful memories, some wonderful to remember, some beautifully painful. They are like music, by which we relish and shy from with our own propensities to them.

AMTHF

2009-06-19T21:54:00.001+08:00

My Life is Average

2009-06-16T22:13:00.006+08:00

Today I was fiddling with my laptop adapter in school when it started sparkling. Not little crackling sounds, mind you, but it sparkled like a firecracker from the mama-shop and it started smoking like one too. I feared for my life because I thought that this was going to be the defining moment, and that it was going to explode and blast away my shaking hands like the way those phones from China blast away our ears when we're not expecting it. It didn't explode, though it stank, but now I am still fearing for my life because I am using a Fujitsu charger for an Acer laptop. The adapter is placed under my pouch so nobody will get severely injured if it starts burning and sends it's debris flying everywhere. My life is miserable.

Today from 4p.m. to 6 p.m. the greedy glutton struck again. I had 2 plates of fried rice for lunch at 2 p.m. but when I got to school, I had a pack of calbee mayonnaise potato chips and a pack of salted peanuts all by myself. I also ate a pack of roller coasters from the vending machine. After that, I cooked myself two cups of seafood cup noodles I found in the council room. When I was heading home, I dropped by Eunos MRT to eat one fish fillet bun and one upsized coffee milk tea complete with big round pearls. When I got home, I ate more fried rice with some orange juice and as I finish this line I hear the "Ding" from my oven. Hurray, my instant fried chicken is ready. Beware of the greedy glutton. My life is fattening.

Today as I was walking to the bus stop to go home, the solitary me was wondering how lonely a bus trip it was going to be. However, imagine my astonishment when I bumped into my classmate on the bus. Even better, imagine our delight as a few stops on another of our common friends also boarded the bus. The best thing is, we all had a good chat and went to eunos to fufil my needs for food and went home together. My life is great.

And all in all, I narrated everything out step by step. Dearest A15, don't I just seem like a ___ faculty student?

Better

2009-06-15T22:04:00.003+08:00

After every NPCC training, multitudes of thoughts would descend down upon me to shake me out of my reveries and ponder, what really makes the most difference? And HO, if you will read this, I admit you are really right. It will be extremely difficult to let go of the unit after POP, and surely there is more to give, but I guess, it is life, to know that after our term, the torch will be passed. I'm sure they will carry it well, perhaps even better than Ian & I might have done, when they come, as we know they will.

Wishes

2009-06-14T12:01:00.003+08:00

It is a quiet little wish of mine, to turn a corner in a bustling crowd, when the soul is lost & confused, to find your gently reassuring face shining through the people's, smiling wide. But it is, after all, just a wish.

So I ought to sneak a quick post before life starts to wash memories away altogether. JTS seems like yesterday, but it was nearly a week ago already. Thank you 09A15 for your awesome treat, and your great company, it is nice to have wonderful juniors like you! Ian's belated birthday dinner was alright too, good company and good food.

It is with the realising fact that CT2s are barely 2 weekends away, when light seems to dawn on your study table. My 11 competencies form are filled with emptiness, notes strewn all over, mind in a clutter. Time beckons, invitingly for work to get going.

Romanticizing exercise

2009-06-10T22:25:00.003+08:00

I cycled yesterday, just had a quick check on google earth, and it turns out a little around 15 km. Ran a fair bit today too. There were many close shaves during cycling, which were quite dangerous, but the thrill took my mind off things, I guess.

And as it turns out, exercise is good therapy. Apart from making us feel a little less lazy, it also distracts us from sadness and worry, as well as anxiety. It probably gives us motivation too, motivation that try us our desperate souls might, cannot be found elsewhere. Elation. As Quanyi said perhaps exercising gives quality time too.

This little thought grew like a seed that had been trying to reach out since an abysmally long time ago, it burst through and struck me. I realised that sometimes when you are running, the only things on your mind besides the physicality are the people closest to your hearts. Their beautiful faces that shine like angels, when you have nothing else to think about.

Your parents, family, loved ones. Love is pretty magical, it strikes you, a pretty arrow that finds you everywhere. It is charmingly captivating, splendidly surprising in its reach, and of course, lovely in every way.

I'd like to run again soon. It's lovely.

The Instructors

2009-06-08T18:26:00.003+08:00

Passion. Maybe thats what CIs & HOs from DHS are all about. It has been a wonderful camp, all because of you guys being there to reminsce with, to talk to, and to recall all the times we shared in the unit we grew up in, spent our secondary school years together in. This camp is indeed the most memorable ATC/STC more because of you guys than anything else. Thank you so much, for having been there! You guys are awesome!

GM CIs 05/06, 08/09

DHS Area 12 CIs from batch of 06/07

Spanning over 7 Generations of Ex-NCOs!

A 2nd shot

Lunch at Thaipan

Survival Training Camp 2009 - The Camp

2009-06-08T17:34:00.009+08:00

So there it is, the last ATC/STC of my NPCC life has gone in a flash. It seems scarcely a moment we started planning the camp, stepped into the campsite, before it's finally over and done with. It has been an emotional roller coaster of a 3 day camp.

I believe, that with each and every camp we go to, as well as each activity we undertake, the value of our learning and inspiration lies not in the activities we do and conduct, but rather in the journey we take with the people around, with the little things we learn and share with each other that makes the entire journey all the more valuable.

Being my last camp at Camp Resilience before I passed out, I had made a little promise to myself to be the best that I could be for my group. It was daunting, because I knew, from the very first moment they gathered in front of me, that it was not going to be an easy camp. It was not because I had never seen most of them before, but had heard about them before. It was not because I could see reluctant faces, or drawn out mentalities. It was because I recognised that this was, inevitably going to be the most diversified group that I had ever seen as a CI.

We had great artists, great speakers, great thinkers, great planners, great leaders and of course great followers. I guess, everybody in that group possessed shining qualities in different manners, that is the bane of a group, but this group, managed to adopt a mantra, that they were never going to be a group, for they would, above all strive to be a team. They would, eventually be daring enough to break down the barriers that stood between them, after all, being foreign to one another, as we all knew each other would.

If any members of Cepheus are reading this. I would like to make it clear, that you guys have been the most challenging group, or rather, team of cadets that I have ever had to collectively conduct activities with before. But it is because you guys were the most challenging, that at the end of the day, you guys were also the best, the very best team I have ever had the honour to go through an STC with!

I remember the times when you guys put in your best, and remember the times you guys didn't. I remember the elated looks on your faces whenever you all performed well, which of course, you all did. But we all will also remember the disappointment with ourselves at times when we let ourselves down. We will remember the times we stood, be it under the scorching sun, or in the bitter cold in the mornings, where the bugs climbed all over and we possessed the discipline not to fidget because we were a team. We will remember that moment, when we overcame the odds to come in Champions despite having the toughest route to take. We will remember our emotional and quiet little debriefs. We will remember putting in our very best, not for the sake of ourselves, but for others, and above all, at the end of the day, it is my humble wish that you will remember each other.

I will remember you. All 18 of you. Over the course of these 3 days, we have all seen 18 cadets and 1 instructor previously strangers to one another, work together to bring out the best in each other. You were thrown, possibly not into the most dangerous conditions, but rather the most realistic conditions by which you could bring out the very best in you and me.

Your trek throughout the island was long and gruelling, but all of you managed it. Remember Noordin beach? Cepheus stood in one line, facing the waves crashing upon-st the sand and shouted out your deepest desires to the waters and the people around you. Some of you wanted to be great CLs/NCOs, some of you wanted to obtain the best results, some of you merely stated that home was where you really missed. But at the end, it was those 3 words you shouted together as a team that really mattered after all.

But as we said together at the end of our very last group debrief, which was certainly held with an emotional twinge, we agreed that it was time to move on, and after that debrief it would be time to head on back to our own units. Each and every one of you have been awesome team members, and it has been a great honour of mine to have worked with you. As one of you wisely said. I did not change myself as a person for this camp. It is you guys who have changed me. I hope I have not disappointed you as your instructor, for you guys have shown me what it really meant, to succeed as a team, and I am sure we are all proud of each other alright. And you guys will always be Daring to try, Spirited in efforts and Passionate in duty.

Cepheus

First Row: Liling, Jiahui, Wesley, Jantzen. Second Row: Weiliang, Amirudin, Esther, Ian, Kianmeng. Third Row: Kaiting, Xunhang. Fourth Row: Edric, Perry, Trenna, Terence, Haseem, Kabilan.

In this camp I learnt a lot about displaying the right attitudes at the right time. I learnt that the act of being demanding instructors with zero empathy was pure nonsense at the end of the day. As a cadet, we had encountered instructors who would take every single opportunity to exercise authority by scolding and punishment, rain or shine, and sadly, right or wrong. This method of leading is seldom, if ever right. If we ever have to influence a team to follow, it would be out of inspiration and motivation, never by fear. If I had to choose between dictatorial discipline or simple effort to improve, there is no doubt I'd settle for the latter. Area 12 might not be the most disciplined area out of 20, but there is no doubt that in our hearts they are the most willing campers, ever ready to try their best, which is the most important, after all.

Of course, whenever we had to reprimand, we must always reason out the factors leading to the reprimand in itself, a simple process that we might tend to neglect. But it is this simple process that makes all the difference between allowing ourselves to step out of our comfort zones to be the best we can be, or to remain in quiet denial.

The value of inspiring and motivating is at the end of the day, the most rewarding. It has been a great ATC/STC 2009, credits to the Coordinators, CIs, and of course, Campers. Let the passion burn forever!

Memories

2009-06-01T10:20:00.002+08:00

I took a quick glance through my holiday schedule, which I reserved for as little outings as possible and holla, the A levels draw near.

Yesterday's mini class outing to support the VJ Knights was really quite memorable. The geogers met for MJ's treat (Thank you!) before the rest of the class came and we supported Jaime and Junyang as well as the rest of the Knights. Whatever the result, you guys will always be the champions in our hearts! A few of us went to Din Tai Fung thereafter and we had a really good chat, as Dongying agrees it was probably one of the best the group of us ever had before!

On a side note, the Harmonica Band Concert experience was really nice!

Best of the best fellows.

Inspiration

2009-05-23T17:49:00.002+08:00

Today was quite a rejuvenating day. Was extremely pleased with the day's training and was especially proud of the sec 3 squad's progress in their item. It definitely wasn't easy for them to overcome their fears and attempt all those moves as a squad but by gum, they did it. As one of them aptly said during debrief, perhaps difficult doesn't mean impossible.

I think, today was in fact a fated reminder to keep steadfast. Admittedly, it is almost always difficult to be a CI anywhere, whichever unit we come from. We face problems to solve from almost every level, and agonisingly some of the time, things don't go the way we believe would be the best for the unit. It is this increasing level of "red-tape" that hinders progress sometimes. Being the only level that is involved in decision making at ground level and management at the unit, we inevitably take on the role of being the bridge or the go between. It does get frustrating sometimes, especially when you perceive a lack of effort from the people who are supposed to be the driving forces of the unit, it is quite possible to feel tired, to want to give up. But most of us don't.

Because we're driven by one thing, and we all know that deep inside us it burns. Passion. Passion to serve, passion to be the best that we can be as both leaders and followers of the unit. Alot of us are battling on and putting in our best because we're keeping what matters afloat. Our influence is admittedly limited, but most of the time, perhaps it is good enough.

It is at times like this, that as CIs we realise the magnitude of our position. A unit may be small, or large, depending on traditions and calibre, but the true purpose of our cause is not realised by the authority we hold, or the things we say, but rather in the essence of our experience, and learning the power of motivation. Whether it is 10 people, or 50 people, our job remains the same, even if there is only 1 person, at the end of the day, if we have helped to influence the life of this 1 person, we still remain proud of our efforts. Being one of the corps of CIs, and especially being a CI with Ian in GM is an experience I am thankful for because of the sheer camaraderie we share, and of course, the passion we all have.

Watching the team united in their cause was quite touching. The team taught me that everything became much easier to bear when everybody stood together, side by side and never giving up.

In 1 month, possibly 2, I'll have passed out already. As Ian said long ago, the bond we built is an unbreakable one. It will remain so. As unlikely as it seemed last June, I've grown to love this unit.

Music, and Family

2009-05-22T19:56:00.007+08:00

Hello there world.

Although the past 3 days have been absolutely terrifying to behold, it made me realise what's really important in our lives, and reminded me never to take anybody, especially my family for granted. Waiting in trepidation and anxiety was not easy, neither was going to school. Now I treasure his presence so much more than before, and though I don't say it out loud, I'm just so glad he's home and fine while we wait the date to be fixed and this to be closed. Thanks to you too, my dear friends who have been there.

I'd just want to hear these songs over and over forever and ever

Star

2009-05-20T21:28:00.004+08:00

How I wish, I may I might, wish upon a star tonight. Wish upon the star, that used to shine so bright. In the clear night sky our star shimmers, it's still there and I see it. But is it fading and turning into a stranger to my eyes?

One day, you'll realise I'm not as strong as I look.

2009-05-19T20:31:00.001+08:00

Halloa world. I'm sick again!

Ill

2009-05-15T20:22:00.001+08:00

I'd hate to admit this. But I've been ill for a week. I guess trying to be strong and continueing like nothing's wrong with my health took its toll. But the week's been great, especially SOV. Will describe them soon.

Very confused.

2009-05-10T11:54:00.004+08:00

It is a thought of mine, that in life, we will never be able to truly understand everybody, find ourselves able to read every expression or reach out to every story behind each teardrop glistening on someone's face.

We all hold different memories, because we lead different journeys, whether we all head together in the future is a tale we have yet to behold, whilst for all of us have our own story to tell, our personal truimphs that others might find harder to exult in, and inevitably our own skeletons that are stowed in our closets that eventually will see light someday.

Browsing through photos, this nagging thought finally struck home. Each of us, at the end of the day are but lone warriors. We are people with our own stories to tell. We have our own battles to fight, our own insecurities to contain, our own needs to fufill, our own ghosts to hide, our own victories to inhale, our own homes to return to, our own struggle for self-actualisation and our own capactity to love, and of course, different people to love in different ways.

Despite the concept of duality, where in life everything exists as a pair, maybe at the end of the day everything seems like a fruitless struggle. They tell us to believe, to a certain extent that there is light and dark, there is cold and hot, there is happiness and sadness, things, miracles that would require something more than words to explain.

I was accidentally transported back to the moment, that instance when I realised the reason behind people having only 1 heart, 1 brain. Previously I hadn't believed in that all empowering belief. Now it seems, darkness, cold, sadness and the like simply exist in our minds because of the lack of light, heat and happiness sometimes. Perhaps, a single being is not a creation, it is an existence, and doubles occur because it is a creation.

So let's freeze all these.

We are, after all, part of a larger fabric, a pattern in what is possibly a great design woven by the higher ups. Perhaps there is a plan for us, which our own choices will dictate. We might lead illustrious or high flying lives, we may find contentment in simplicity. But being an individual is painful sometimes. That's why we came about.

Maybe as we are leading our lives, there is somebody far away, maybe in another country, possibly in another universe altogether who is riding on the same wagon. Another band of warriors soldiering on together. But we are mere mortals, who are we to know?

Life is fascinating and wondrous in all ways that we can try to understand. It is nice to see people of different walks coming together for a common purpose, even more fantastic to be part of it. At the end of the story, confusing it may be, I just want to say, that I've learnt that fighting for others' causes instead of our own, is most rewarding in the end. As they say, giving is better than receiving. So, maybe we are never alone. Perhaps, we only think we are alone because we've only got 1 heart that we think pumps for our lives. So let's turn that around and try to let our heart pump for others, shall we?

Love is pretty important. It's like a suit of armour. It makes you strong.

Investiture

2009-05-02T17:34:00.002+08:00

Hi all,

For those that have been waiting, I guess my post about council will come at a later time when all the letters and presents have been finished? In the meantime, thanks all for the great investiture, and of course, a splendid term. (:

______________

I woke up this very morning not feeling very happy about anything in particular, I guess, the past 2 weeks have been so charged, so hectic that I've not really had the time to sit back and appreciate the changes taking place with the guise of an outsider. Of course there were more pertinent reasons, but I do guess, a few more days till the feelings (and workload) settle.

Till then!

Just so you know

2009-04-26T22:04:00.001+08:00

You are the best one of the best ones (:

Finally!

2009-04-21T21:08:00.002+08:00

If my life was a train, I'd think it's finally clambering back on track! In a sense that, there's little or no hint of sudden happenings that are making this track strewn with rocks and obstacles that threaten to derail and end up causing life to end up with no palpable way out.

Shall wait for more tangible updates.

Running and Screaming

2009-04-19T22:35:00.002+08:00

And so the past week has been long. But at least, the past week is long over. It seems barely a day since all those turmoil in this life I lead started unfurling but amazingly it's already been a month.

Was sick most of the week, had my phone stolen, and more work heaped up on me. But I guess life is not without it's own myraid of positives that we must open our eyes out to see. For that already I'm extremely thankful for the happy things that have happened this week. Really.

Of all the music I ever heard.

If you only knew

2009-04-11T10:50:00.002+08:00

When the dust gradually settles, when the bleak view of the world finally begins to clear, a part of you recognises that you're still alive, heart pumping, and that what's just swept you hasn't killed you. Perhaps, you are just that bit stronger now that you've withstood the storm.

To you guys who has been such great friends, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. I cannot use words to express my thanks for the support you've been showing me and I really really appreciate it.

Peace.

Always second best, forever last

2009-04-09T20:07:00.002+08:00

So its a B. And I couldn't pretend that didn't hurt.

And how can I not be stressed over this? It's people's lives we're talking about here.

Comrades

2009-04-07T20:38:00.002+08:00

We will fight, and together, my dear comrade. We will not let our efforts invested for this purpose go down the drain, and the changes and improvements we painstakingly built together are not going to dissipate and fade away. We've fought so hard, met with roadblocks, obstacles, but we always found a way around. We will find the way this time as well. Faith.

I could wait forever

2009-04-06T21:56:00.004+08:00

In the bumbling routine of our lives, inevitably there comes a point of time when people forget, simply because it becomes effortless to do so, too easy, so easy that it is almost hurts deeply. It is akin to hearing your fading voice, albeit not giving chase. Ours is a story, not the saddest in this world, for there are stories far more tragic than ours. Perhaps it is human nature to get over our sorrows and move on, soldiering on because we can't let ourselves be beaten, much less let ourselves quit.

This is a period of non-recognition, of upsets, of upheavals, and just barely 10 minutes ago, failure. In retrospect, the previous 3 weeks have consisted of occasional glimmers, a beautiful rainbow, and tons of crashing debris on the pillars of life that have just seemed to be falling not one after the other, but so fast, and so furious they seem to be collasping together.

And above all these, I guess I can blame no one but myself for such inadequacies and shortcomings that have inadvertently caused these mishaps, or rather, wake up calls to happen. I guess, at this point of time, faith is a very important thing, faith to believe in the fact that silver linings almost always exist, just for us to see.

I want to do something meaningful while I can. Yet, a little part of me is evidently defeated. So pray you please give me a jolt, that spring in my step, to pick us up again. One day we might wake up and think, that it's less about the time of our lives, as compared to the smiles we have in our lives. And I think, you know who you are, when I thank you for bringing the smiles back into my life, my dear friends.

Oh when I look into your eyes, man I wish that I could stay

What's the saving grace

2009-04-04T21:36:00.004+08:00

Silly Mistakes. Boy oh boy, just how long has it taken you to realise that you should think through your every action, your every move? I fervently hope an apology would help, because I'm really sorry for overeacting for such a minor issue. If an apology could help now, I'd give it a million times and more. ):

Just why do I always find myself having to be somebody I'm not?

I think, this is a test that the heavens have aligned for me. To tell me about the faults I possess with impudence. Maybe, to give me a good kick up my bottom that is actually itching for a hit. Actually, to wake me up, and tell me it it’s high time indeed that I woke up my idea and started thinking before I act.

Sometimes, by trying to be the best you can be for someone, you actually end up making things worse, and it all boils down to a lack of consideration. Sigh. Then occasionally, you act upon the advice people give to you, and it ends up killing you. Honestly speaking, each toss was a tear on my heart, each face that I saw killed me. It’s such a trivial issue, but it sort of affected me for the whole of today after it happened, and it still hurts inside that this kind of thing had to happen and yet it had to be me doing it again.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better, maybe it would be easier to smile when things get better.

You, above all

Hope

2009-04-02T22:14:00.002+08:00

The walk back seems immensely long given my lerthagic self, but instead I quicken my footsteps and look towards that light shining in the porch with a hesitant expectation of solace. Nowadays, reaching back home is a happy feeling for me, like it has always been, but not without its prevalent trace of guilt for returning home way beyond dinner time. A little part of this guilt is absolved by the quiet happiness that my parents are still there to welcome me home, and that their words always go down to the foundations that they care for me and that reaches deep into my young but weathered soul to touch me deep inside in that heartwarming way. Family first. That's a promise I won't break to the ones I love the most.

Actually, I've had alot more to say. These emotions are like a roller coaster ride that never fails to excite but sometimes just crushes down like a sledgehammer. Till this week is over, my dear friends.

Am I crazy or falling in love?

2009-04-01T21:20:00.002+08:00

The week's almost half gone.Life's not going extremely well for many of those around me and it's really troubling because try as I might it all crashes in sometimes, my inability to help, and the occasional hopeless of the situation that renders us all helpless and sad. Sometimes, when I look into those pairs of eyes I can't help but wish time would just stop for that instant and we'd all be happy forever. A part of me wonders if there's something more, but there's nothing that I know except that you all make me smile. I think, we have hope because deep inside all of us have love. And a great deal of faith.

Hiding

2009-03-29T15:19:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, despite the sadness that sinks in, all you can do is pretend there's nothing wrong, like you're still really happy and cheerful, like there's colourful rainbows all over the place and we're really living in this fanciful paradise where everything turns out fine. Sadly, for the greater good that's really all, because the bare minimum I can bring myself to do is smile for those around. So there, boy, you make yourself a mask, a mask that hides your face, a face that hides your pain, the pain that eats your heart, and then smile on no matter how grey.

Because the world's not ending today.

A plea

2009-03-23T22:37:00.002+08:00

Though you may be apprehensive to share your thoughts for fear of hurting another party, don't possess the wait-and-see attitude. Please? If both camps are doing the same thing, well...as much as both of you suffer from the internal bitching/gossiping and all, the real people who are being hurt, are the innocent listeners. The reason we're one is because we are not two, though lame as it sounds, I don't see how it's invalid. So, from a humbled little boy, who deserves no pity whatsoever, I'm begging that both of your two sides, stop this war, and fight the bigger one.

-A Boy (who requested me to post this)

Frankly, I never felt so much pain before, so much regret and sadness at seeing things come to this stalemate towards the end. Being humbled is probably one of the best things that should have happened to me, and now that it has, it's where maybe we can unite amidst the adversity and help each other the best that we can? If it indeed is ending soon, I'd really hope that all the unhappiness can be resolved, all the grievances buried, and that we all leave this happily together at the end and still call each other good friends, yes? At the utmost, I am sorry for my failures, my inadequacies, my shortcomings, and really hope its not too late to reflect, to repent and to improve from these negatives.

We all found a home in this place, no matter where we came from. Now that the walls are cracked and the foundations shaken, perhaps we could be the ones trying to hold up these walls to protect the innocent ones. We all built this home together at the start, and we should let it remain standing to shelter us, as one, not as two or not as a few. No one should move out or give up. We love this place, don't we? There are some of us that really cannot bear to see this so, and by gum, on my own part, I'm going to try my best to patch up this cracks I created the best I can. And we all will soldier through this together instead of heading in different directions. We are 1 family after all, aren't we?

We've all been through so much together, the ups, the downs. We've exulted in each others' victories, revelled in each others' joys and shared the woes of occasional defeat. We've come together and raised ourselves up so high, so should we be rendered helpless by the mistakes we made? Or should we come together and soar the skies together again?

We are all humans who make mistakes, sometimes mild, sometimes downright nasty. I'm sorry, really, for some of these, and maybe at the dawn things will all change for the better. We are One Family, We live in this One House, and We shared this One Goal. And we shall continue so, and let us all end as good friends instead of mere associates. I hope We'll all soldier this together as one and emerge stronger. Please, take this as a plea from me, the boy, and those who feel sorry we're at where we are now. We can change this. Lets have faith.

Camps

2009-03-23T17:41:00.002+08:00

Its been 5 tough days, really. There's really alot of reflections, and I guess, there's always a place to say it all.

Of Golden Sunsets

2009-03-16T11:54:00.004+08:00

Went on a retreat to Malacca with my parents yesterday as well as my dad's colleagues! I must say it was really quite an eye opening experience driving down to Malaysia for the first time. It was quite a timely outing, because I really relished the time spent with my parents, we haven't been doing something like that for quite an abysmally long time so yesterday was something I had actually been looking forward to.

The places we visited were quite interesting. There was Chinatown, Makhota as well as some random restaurants dotted over the region where we went for breakfast, brunch, lunch, linner and dinner. We really ate that much as well as shopped around for curious artefacts and took a interesting insight into the Malaysian Chinese culture. So it was, all in all a pretty cool day. A 500 km journey certainly isn't an easy distance to sit in the car going numb, though.

The day was made a little worse by my phone's lack of autoroam which rendered me uncontactable the entire day. But it all turned out well in the end because I managed to return all the calls and messages when Singapore prevailed.

Adventures, VOG & Timeless Regard

2009-03-13T19:39:00.004+08:00

Shall sneak a quick post before I go out.

Well! I've not slept since the day before! Due to running of the laps for our VOG's 25 rounds, had no plausible alternative but to stay over in the college since Council was slated to run at 530 am. So there! I woke up around noon since I had no papers that day, and found out I was still horribly ill with the sorrows of the nose and heat of the head, but it all got better throughout the day. Was finally headed off the school in the evening for a meeting, before going night cycling!

Cycled with Hans to Kallang's Indoor Stadium, before heading back to school and subsequently realising we had been banished due to our late return. So off we headed towards Changi, it was a long and arduous path, but thankfully we chickened out after freaking each other out and headed back to ECP instead. Made our way to Kembangan where we had Roti Prata at 3 am in the morning before going back to ECP to look at the moon. Was super tired when we reached school at 4 plus.

The run around the school was awesome! Poor Mr. Teo had fire dripping onto his hands though. The CT people were really high in the morning and cheering and singing and the one round was really great. Bathed after that!

VOG was really quite an eye opener too, for it was really a new approach taken that really worked and kudos to the ODAC for the spectacular fireball as well as the PE Dept for making this event so wonderful and enjoyable!

Was really quite tired due to the lack of sleep and thus conked out for half an hour whilst waiting for IV4 outing. Outing wasn't really a failure, but I guess it wasn't a splendid success too as half of the people couldn't make it. But nevertheless we still had fun catching up and talking to each other again!

So that pretty much sums the past two days. I'm still sick, and apparently it's getting worse due to lack of nutrition and rest. No choice, I'm headed off to DHS after this to go meet squadmates at the LC.

Hang in there!

Over

2009-03-11T18:40:00.004+08:00

I looked on,

With bated breath held with tremulous anticipation as the clock heralded the end of the common tests, and then it was over. As soon as the prospect loomed, and the writings in frantic scribbles of seemingly incoherent words started to roll, it was over. When the time in between just seemed agonisingly long and short at the untimely moments, it was over. But it will come again, we know that.

CT2s, the first prepared exam of my VJ life will hopefully be you.

J08 CIBTC Video

2009-03-10T19:36:00.003+08:00

It's going to be a year since it all happened, but some things just remain so tangible, so beautifully unforgetable. Indeed, throughout the turmoil of the week that has been the CTs, I'm lucky to have seen this, and got reminded of those times that we won't ever forget. Till the next post, when exams are over.

Birthdays, Boring Recitals, Grandparents

2009-03-07T22:06:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Veron! (:

I guess, today was a little bit of a more peaceful day inside of me. The morning didn't start off on the best of notes, missing out on a few hours of revision and being caught in torrential rain, but the day only got better from there. Had quite a fufilling training, lunched with Ian at Parkway, studied, or at least tried to at the MP library with Hans before heading back to school to read. Went to my grandparents place thereafter, and the journey there was seriously fun. Got off at the wrong stop though, and had to walk quite a fair bit before reaching. And since the luxury of time isn't accorded to me at this instance, I'd just like to end off by saying, that my grandparents are the bestest of the best grandparents in the world. (:

I do hope its not too late to start the rush towards the As

So near yet so far

2009-03-04T21:20:00.008+08:00

Pictures of you, pictures of me, remind us all of what we could have been.

Exams next week. That's the only thing we know will never change, at least, till it is over. Today was quite a roller coaster of a day, except that my carriage kept trundling lower and lower with droops that my heart felt weak to take. Occasionally it seemed there were flashes of hope of having cheer again but then again nothing proved conclusive. It started with the bursting bag, an utterly embarrassing way to end a graceful leap. Lessons were as per usual but there was nothing spectacular to break this monotony. I felt recognisably anonymous. PW presentation was just passable, I guess, but my groupmates were awesome and thats great! Studying seemed like a distraction. The only high point of this emotionally turgid day was the time the 18ths really impressed everyone with their efficiency and good attitudes, and that sort of cheered me up, for that moment at least. This batch has got wonderful potential to excel, each and every one of them are outstanding in ways that are breathtaking and I'm sure they're going to do us all proud! Was quite sad on the way home because I never felt more defeated and broken inside. It stayed that way. It has been that way for a couple of days anyway. But thank you my dear friends, you guys made this pain so much more bearable even though most of you don't know what's going on and I really do appreciate your concern, and deeply.

There are very few things, if any, that can make my soul happy and melancholic together, and you are one of them. Such a beautiful line with complex but wondrous meanings, yet no one pauses to relish it, so much that it is almost painful.

A writing on Rain

2009-03-02T20:00:00.005+08:00

My sunshine faded. A little part of me dissipated. It was almost like a sledgehammer, that blow, except that it didn't hurt so bad inside till the phone was put down and the walls frozen to ice. The rain was pouring on the same way home amongst the throngs of anonymous people, the beating of the droplets akin to a cry, a graceful show of the weepings of the heavens. For that illuminated moment, I wished we could dance like nymphs amongst the rain to wash away our troubles and rob us of this ache quietly throbbing in our hearts.

Just maybe, your heart won't beat for me. Drop upon drop of this crystal clear water that fogs the lamenting sky and blurs our blinded vision, so no one spots my unfelt tears streaming quietly down the sallow cheeks that yearned to smile at you with the brightest of beams.

As I gazed out my window at the people milling at the stops, and the cars trundling on, a revelation unfolded like a paper rose bursting into a life of bloom. Your faintly beautiful imprint on my heart stood for nothing in your own. Whether it was sad, or happy at that, remains unfathomable, like a sad smile with little gaiety, but much lovely meaning. I would miss that feeling.

The sun then peeked through the clouds, a meek guess at shining proud. Still, the pensieve feelings by the ebbing rain went on, a gentle reminder to a broken heart. Weep not, the sky seemed to whisper, the sun will shine again if you would smile and walk on by.

The crowds seemed to be dispersing into the fringes, the cars were no longer sharing their sounds with the thunders, the road seemed to be dry. I must have been gazing down for a long time...

11.11

2009-02-28T23:11:00.002+08:00

Its 11.11. Lets look up into the starry night sky and wish we'll all pull through this. (:

Smile, smile, smile

2009-02-28T21:36:00.003+08:00

I don't know how to describe this, but I did get this uncomfortable feeling (which stayed for the rest of the day) having to establish this formality between the 18th and the 17th batch today. I think, most of the 17ths standing on the podium today felt this way too? Part of my soul, and a large part at that, yearns to reach out to the juniors in the way some of the wonderful 16ths did when we just got initiated, a kind of yearning to play the role of a friendly and approachable 17th, but alas, and sadly at that, circumstances do not appear to be that way as of now. I guess, we should strike a balance of moments pertaining to the light and the serious, and by gum, I will try my best to. (:

Stayed for a failed attempt to study with Gabriel and Hans. Ended up giggling uncontrollably for the oddest of reasons, prowling the college every 1 hour and giving up and just going to play soccer at the end! Home-ed thereafter and KO-ed.

Lets make a wish at 11.11 today. (:

And what do we call that?

2009-02-27T21:53:00.005+08:00

We sing, we dance, we cry and oh we fie together! What we draw from each other are strengths so intrinsically valued and precious that we can do without them as much as meat can do without salt. We conceal in each other our trials of constancy and receive secrets from thy princes and queens of our hearts that we hope will always be there. But they are many, but yet, sometimes, few and far between. We are sometimes, nothing more than appointments to each other, yet when it is all right, we are indeed, far from anything less than what we keep on our minds, and hearts together.

Friends. Friends! Friends?

Sometimes the bonds we form seem so strong but they fall apart when distance rears its ugly head. Occasionally new friendships seem so promising but their potential is never fufilled. Once in a blue moon we meet friendships that never seem to work out no matter how much stolid effort we invest zealously and when we have so many friends at every angle we can't help but feel so alone at the oddest of moments.

I guess, friendship, is something that needs chances, something that needs effort, and of utmost importance something that requires that certain level of chemistry to get it going. That, is probably the reason why different people click and connect with personalities of a parallel nature and the most curious thing is that nobody ever knows why.

Friendship then, is surely a chance we have to take. Best of life, farewell, since we must part someday. We just fervently gaze at the heavens and wish that beautiful friendships come to stay, but alas, only a few do, eventually. Therefore with all the love we can give and conjure for our friends, we must, for friends are the most important people in our lives that come along besides our familes!

Take a gamble and throw a dice. Worries do come but they present themselves with the ultimate resolution of getting alleviated and resolved, no? I guess, we must always identify with a few friends that we know with all our sincerity and heartfelt conviction that they will be there for us to brave the rain and storm, to indulge in the loving rays of the sun's warmth and to weather weal and woe together. We may fight, we may quarrel, but as long as we never drift apart, things will be fine.

I think, the most painful thing that one could scramble out of in a dreadful friendship pit is the very process of drifting apart over time that is blatantly irreversible. Like a clock or a watch that's missing from our frames we never know we're grown so far apart till one day we meet again. It is painful, and many of us have gone through that at some point of time in our lives. But effort, and perhaps, only mutual effort can help it all?

Then again, there are friends we treasure, that we may seldom, if ever meet because of our hectic schedules, but the sheer chemistry and bond of the friendship keeps it estatically going. Have you ever not met a friend for a few months but memories and chatter still remain excitingly poignant? There may come a time when we have friends whom we can sit beside quietly, and yet know what is whizzing or pausing through the other's mind. That, is one magic of friendship that comes out of familarity.

If there's one thing other than family that we all couldn't do without, it has got to be friendship. It's indeed the only ship that doesnt sink, doesn't break, and yet keeps people together on a common space in our hearts, where we all secretly belong. (:

Unexpected Good News

2009-02-27T20:11:00.004+08:00

VJCXCOUNTRY! I guess today's cross country was really quite a fun and enjoyable experience! What with cheering and motivating each other and others(in vain) before the run started, rushing to the tree house to cheer our friends on, the run itself which felt it wasn't going to end, having started so far behind, meeting kind smiling faces along the way, luckily and happily getting into top 100, the celebrations and fun in the hall with strawberry shortcake, lucky draws and all. It was AWESOME. (:

NPCC Training was unexpectedly enjoyable today as well, which coupled with XCountry made today quite a memorable day. It's really heartwarming to have teachers share with us their previous experiences which are really enlightening and informative, as well as seeing the cadets in the unit become assured and consistent over time. Am quite excited about the prospects of this unit!

We're never really beaten till the day we put our hand down on the table and say I give up. I think, burdens exist to tell the difference between the resilient and the opposite. Perhaps we would all do well to rest, and place these burdens down if we have to, but never will we quit. Lets persevere on with whatever we're all facing, we never know if we just don't try, do we? (:

Shall go to start on the writing I promised!

101 Dalmations

2009-02-25T22:45:00.005+08:00

It's a little bit sad sometimes that out of the blue, when we raise our heads and take a meek squint at the skylight, we realise there's a limitless possibility of the reasons behind our existence, the vast spread of our potentials, yet we don't know where we're going.

Today's the day my mind got heavier and yet my heart a wee bit lighter and free. Today's the day I wished I may I wished I might wish that the rainbow found me a path to climb. Getting owned by everything rushing by may not be a good sign and that's what we all know. Please forgive me I never wanted it to turn out this way either because I never really knew. Perhaps we could all smile like drawings because they represent our well wishes and freeze like photos for those happy moments should never end.

CIBTC, and just a little more

2009-02-22T12:07:00.004+08:00

I suddenly miss CIBTC with such pangs in me that it almost hurts physically. Sure, those were days of perhaps being tied down with so many other commitments juggling them was almost an olympic feat, but I miss the people, the passion, the unitedness of our cause and how we were all willing to fight for each other to pull through together. I miss the role models portrayed by some of our very own instructors who demonstrated the power of passion and resilience. What went on then, will not be just but a memory, right?

First it was the many modular courses we spent in HTA every Saturday. Followed by memories of those 8 days away from home, 4 days in HTA followed by 4 days in Pulau Ubin. The homesickness was quite hard to swallow but it was definitely made that appreciated bit easier by many squadmates, groupmates and ultimately 99 other batchmates from J08 that were all going through the journey together. Not without smiles, laughter, the occasional mirth and unforgettable moments mixed in a beautiful pensieve with the stern occasions, reprimands and guiding. I now fondly recall with a wistful smile not about the hard skills we learnt, but the lessons in life we all went through.

I guess June 2008 was really one of the life changing months in my 17 years. With CIBTC, CLIC and NLC.

Nowadays, I reach home every single day secretly delighted to see the door open for me, but feeling a little defeated somewhere inside, perhaps it's guilt that I haven't been spending enough quiet time with my family due to school commitments. I'm kind of glad my emotions are now unbridled & free and not tied to any particular fancy but then again, my heart dreads being empty. There are many paradoxes in my life and you are one of them. I secretly wish to turn the corner and see you whom I do not know. A winsome part of me yearns to be the best I can be for my friends but sometimes failure to hit expectations, even if accidental just siphons my determination away, but I'm hoping to try on anyway. My kit bag's going to be buried with my worries and I'm distractedly looking forward to that. Exams are around the corner and I guess it's never too late to start so I'll leave with this line. When the good's bad and the negative's postive start to merge into a attractive mirade of colours that captures our curious souls, that's when we know we need to live again.

You make me smile please stay for awhile now

2009-02-20T22:06:00.004+08:00

Looking back, it has been a busy/long day as well as quite a tiring week. But I guess, it was really all the more worthwhile spending time doing things that benefit others in the long run. The BBQ Pit has finally been completed with the hard work of all the councillors, the room has been spruced up and made pretty. Pretty exhausting work but glad that its done!

Had many interviews today. Had this interview for VJC's Character Development Award along with some Victorians as well as MOE officials. Guess it went quite well and hope that the college gets the award! Yay! Had Council interviews entire afternoon and same for tomorrow. Personally, I'm quite excited about Council's prospects. (:

-----

JS: I really hope that your problems will be solved and everything will be fine for you and your family. He will get well, and we know that, so we must have faith and trust in the best. Live well, my dear friend. I'll pray for him and we'll all be fine.

What's going through my mind in a minute

2009-02-18T21:18:00.008+08:00

The rain falls on the head and drowns our souls in something that I'd embrace but never comes near. A little part of me dies inside everytime you step furthur away and sometimes it's queer but sad that you don't materialize at all because you're just a pretty dream. The sapping exhaustion creeps over me like a satin blanket that's just so silent and smooth that I don't feel it till it crushes me and my supposedly indomitable spirit. Irony. Sometimes I just want to let go but responsibility holds me back. Next time I'll just tell you when I realise you're the sunshine of my life. My heart just hasn't recognised exactly who you are yet but you seem to be near. Studies, time is running out but wisdom never seems to flow in. We all smile everywhere like clowns in a party, if not we will be out of place, nobody likes people in the doldrums so we smile even when we are feeling quite despondant. Or perhaps, that's just the way I am to suit the person I am expected to be. We work spuriously hard for nobody but ourselves to see and sometimes all you do is never appreciated but we do it anyway for a higher purpose. Sometimes those you really are taken to just don't seem to be there to brighten you up but when they do appear the world seems lighter and happier. I really feel so lucky I have someone to sms on the trundling bus trip home when you're alone and just so tired you feel like sleeping on forever and your friend lets you smile out of the window when you're looking at the world go by. I feel so lucky I occasionally meet good friends on the dizzy way to school when the day just feels elastically long and draggy. I feel so lucky sometimes you can always depend on your friends in the college to always be within a 360 degree range to offer you a kind word or a smile for it drives me on. Sometimes I feel so tired, so burnt out, yet feel as if I'm underachieving. I am infinitely thankful for friends and family that are so intrinsically valued. You give me feelings I adore but it's just too soon to lose all control. You make me smile and I'd wish you'd stay for awhile. Live well, that's your blessing for me and mine to you. Sometimes I just suddenly feel like I'd live happier and more purposefully with a religion but I'm held back by piety, perhaps I'm just not ready. Affection, this cycle repeats itself like a wheel with a couple of renewable spokes, we derive what is coming but always fail to comphrehend what is true to these hearts of ours.

Let's go

2009-02-16T20:23:00.005+08:00

Running distracts us from the things that pull us down, and even if this distraction is only temporary, each time we run we seem to learn something new and poignant. Today has not been a spectacular day, but it has been fulfilling enough. I feel recharged!

Some smiles always stand out!

Wondrous Reflections

2009-02-14T11:09:00.008+08:00

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

__________

Yesterday, Friendship Day Celebrations@VJC was really quite a success! It was wonderfully heartwarming to feel the atmosphere going all up in the college and I think one of the best moments in the day was hearing positive comments about the way Council ran Friendship Day Celebrations in VJC this year! It's traditionally been such a small event that it barely gets noticed and I think the hard work of the adhoc has really paid off! (: CTC All The Way! Being IC of yesterday was indeed a very rewarding experience, having brainstormed together with the adhoc to come up with fresh ideas for the Victorians to celebrate their Friendship Day! (: Must really thank the adhoc for having supported each other all the way throughout this event, encouraging each other when we met with obstacles and having worked so hard to make Friendship Day a success!
__________

Thank you everyone who has been so sweet with all your gifts! Though I didn't really have the opportunity to really stop and say thank you for your kind actions, I'd like to say them here now! Thanks to all of you who came up with your notes/photos/gifts! I really appreciate them all! (: You guys rock!
__________

Went for OG BBQ in the evening after meeting up with IOWN! Was really fun chatting with my OG in the Igloo whilst in a half knocked out state and thereafter went to the ECP to meet the rest of Ivanhoe. They bladed/cycled whilst I ran my 4.4 route for the first time in 2 weeks. Had an interesting BBQ, walking with Weijian, then Jesselyn and Joanne, had quite nice chats and all. Had awesome times singing and making noise with everyone around! Played games with Iown and had a fantastic time hedging with Leonard, Harry, Nick and Joshua! Hedging should become an olympic sport!
__________

I think the best form of expressions sometimes come in literature, so I shall share this sonnet I've just written with you all. (: Happy Valentines Day!

Staying in Me

All day long, my emotions in frenzy,
feelings in commotion, hearts in flutter.
So infinitely precious, let it flow,
For deep inside we're wonderfully real!
Somewhere in me, butterflies are flying,
Flowers are singing, you're feeling it too!
Whether it's sixty seconds a minute,
or be it twenty four hours a day,
Deep in my heart and mind is where you'll stay!

MUM's the word

2009-02-13T01:32:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY! YOU'RE THE BESTEST OF THE BEST MUMS IN THIS WORLD! MUCH LOVE! (:

Silver Linings

2009-02-11T20:38:00.003+08:00

Despite the physical and emotional turmoil I'm kind of glad for today. I don't know how it happened, falling sick so suddenly and heavily, being giddy and light in the head for the entire day. Even now the nose hasn't seen a sign of recovery, and I really hope it goes away by tomorrow. This really isn't an opportune moment to be struck down.

But still I'm kind of thankful today, and I'd really love to document a few of these down,

Thanks Shan for your message! It really came at the very moment I needed it, and I guess it's all the more meaningful because I haven't really received such messages in a very long while. (: Thanks BFF for the time at the booths today be it talking or trying to read our notes, really glad to say it's nice to have a BFF like you around! Thanks Sister for remembering our "wednesday lunch" and tolerating my raging madness when I was so hit by the illness. Thanks to those Councillors for volunteering your time to help out in creating our photo collage and friendship bands till such a late time today, and lastly Thanks to everyone around who's been there with a smile and kind words. (:

Occasionally the world stops spinning and there's only one person in sight, no matter near or far. I do wonder what sort of feeling you'd call that?

Because a part of my heart says

2009-02-10T19:54:00.004+08:00

Had lessons, VJVday ambassador photoshoot, council interviews, filming, exco dinner, home, work, sleep, school, senior meet junior session, welfare briefing for J1s, IS proposal finalization, adhoc, signup booth, collage, photoprinting, balloons, home. I'll be quite glad when the week is over.

Recently things have been quite rushed. My mind is at a standstill, but only because the world is whizzing past me at speeds my ailing resilience cannot fathom. Trying to catch up has become an uphill task, and that is only trying. Worry consumes my heart and strikes deep blows into my gasping lungs. My scarred hands are reaching out, grabbing out, there, I seize a handfull, but it is just air. So I fall.

It's just turning the corner now. I think I see you, my eyes grow expectantly, but only to fall back in a defeated hint of dismay. There you go, and now you're gone. I want to stay close but you got to remain so. Just far it seems, it's all so quick and time just clicks that you're all I can see.

High

It's my heart to give and you've taken it away

Loving smiles shining it's beautiful way

The only vacant place for love's given to you

It's all I got to give, so take my heart today

The kisses of emotion stay inside

Like our radiant flowers in the sun's rays

You're the helium in my lungs, for you get me high, so

Please take me unto your wings and fly

Far away, into our sky

Orientation

2009-02-07T21:31:00.003+08:00

VJC ORIENTATION 2009!

Memories we'll all never forget. Let's just keep it short!

Ivanhoe

Ivanhoe OGLs

OGLs

Its been fabulous being part of Ivanhoe! A great shout out to all of you out there! Thanks so much for having made us all so fun to be around! Especially the Ivanhoe OGLs and my subog IOWN, you guys rocked Orientation 09! (:

CHEERSMASSDANCESIVANHOEOGLSFRESHMENVJCSEASPORTSCARNIVALWETGAMESCLUEDODRYGAMESOGSSUNTECCITY

Double Sided

2009-02-03T20:38:00.007+08:00

Today's the day I'll blog two posts in one, from opposite perspectives of this complicated life.

Firstly, the GOOD!

It's my 2nd day with my sub OG IOWN, and what I really want to say is that IOWN Rocks the House! We've all managed to get so high and enthusiastic doing all the playful things together as an OG I'm sure we can do much much more! IOWN Ogls are quite wonderful and fun to be with too, with Cindy, Fushang and Yibo!

Speaking of OGLs, I'm really thankful for Orientation and being an OGL, for being an ogl has allowed to me to make so many wonderful friends in Ivanhoe! (:

The past two days of orientation have been particularly fun to be part of, and yeah I do hope that the next 3 days will be as fun if not more! Quite looking forward to Sea Sports Carnival, Suntec Mass Dance as well. Council will own Sea Sports yeah!

And another piece of good news, the BBQ Pit plans are going to materialize! On top of that, I'm extremely thankful to VJ's OM, Mr. Ong for helping us so much and even going to the extent of consulting VJ's contractor with me. The even better thing is, the contractor has agreed to supply the raw materials (Bricks/Cement/BRCs) free of charge to us, which means that we can offset a few hundred dollars in financial cost! I think the BBQ Pit's going to be something CT Council will be really proud of.

Victoria Friendship's Day Planning is finally going back on track with approvals here and there and thats great to hear as well.

_______________________________________________________

Recently, something in me has changed, perhaps so subtly that somtimes, it takes a little tiny bit of prompting from this heart of mine to realise, that not everything's the same. I fervently pray for the courage to come uponst me to fearlessly face these unannouced cries. There's just, so much to do, so much to plan, so much to think about, that somehow, I just feel so tired, of running from place to place, thinking about things and people and feelings, but always just going on behaving like everything's alright and I'm really happy.

Occasionally I feel like I have this feeling, this encompassing wave of emotion which just beignly hovers on the edge, the quivery tip of this tower beneath my legs. Half the time I feel like there's just a part of me which reaches out, and to complement that, is already drawn to this new affection. The other half speaks differently, and vehemently urges me to be rational, to think at the margins. But, how am I know if this is supposed foolery again? It's tiring to be needed at different places at once, and it's nice to see that we're all still surviving.

The lines are blurred now and perhaps, there will be sadness that slowly arrives either way I go. Perhaps one step would make us happier than before, I guess, in life, we must have hope in the positive. My mind urged me to get moving but somehow my feet carried this soul in the other direction. My heart pumped breathelessly, but somehow thy mind resisted. Torn between my own tiredness and my responsibility to my work. I don't know where this is going and I'm just taking them on as they come.

If being emotionally drained was an injury one could do well to experience, it is one that could do well if I did not fall in again.

Will you show me the way?

Chingay Photos! M1

2009-02-01T15:40:00.005+08:00

Basically, these are photos of M1 doing what they do best other than motivating! Taking photos! Sweet memories ok! (:

Chingay 2009!

2009-02-01T13:04:00.005+08:00

Chingay 2009 Parade of Dreams is over!

It was truly Wonderland last night, for the guests and volunteers alike as we observed that 37 year old tradition of having a masquerade at the weekend after Chinese New Year.

But much of my focus goes down to this fantastic group of people with whom I've had the honoured pleasure of spending this Chingay journey with. M1!

Being a motivator certainly isn't an easy task. Perhaps, that was why we took such a long time to warm up on Chingay Parade 1, but the show went on from there! Was really happy to see all of us soaking in the atmosphere and getting high together with the crowd especially on the 2nd night!

These are amazing friendships that have been forged over the short period of just 2 months or so, and they are friendships that I am thankful for and will treasure!

Standing in one line cheering up the crowds, singing our cheers, engaging the audience, sitting down and watching the performances, rushing to the VIP carpark, sending off the guests and running around with our Happy New Year wishes and goodbye cheers! Those are moments I am sure that no one in M1, especially the yellow armbands will never forget.

In retrospect, I guess it was really a stupendous stroke of luck that we got the area in front of the seated gallery. That really exposed us to more, much much more than our original spot, and probably contributed much more to our combined group effort!

The group went for supper together last night at Makan Sutra after the debrief! Am really thankful that they all waited for Jelyn and I to finish the leaders debrief before starting to eat because everyone was seriously famished. Had loads of fun talking and chatting before we all started to head home at around 1 in the morning.

Will try to keep this post short, and in the meantime, there's another group of people that really rocked my Chingay Experience! The M Leaders! Quanyi, Yz, Jelyn, Ivor, Vanessa, Kaixian, Jingjing and Joey! Thanks for your wonderful times of discussion and random chats it was really great! Not forgetting our chief Qimin! (:

In short, my first serious volunteering experience has, without doubt been an eye opening experience, and there will certainly be much more to come!

Will upload more photos when I receive them! Please do send them quickly! (:

Chingay 1

2009-01-31T01:12:00.003+08:00

Chingay Day 1 is just over! And before I go into details shall wait for photos! But the bottomline is, Chingay with M1 is indeed a very happy experience! (:

Awkward Shine, Beautiful Shine

2009-01-29T19:50:00.004+08:00

Lessons today were surprisingly fun, especially both literature lessons! The breaks were quite hectic though, for there were many unexpected occurances that had a few of us running here and there for that short while. It's quite refreshing to see secondary school uniforms in VJ once again. Can't wait for orientation!

The bus ride home, essentially didn't get me home! Haha! But oh well, it was really quite a nice ride home despite missing the stop.

Sometimes, the world, especially somewhere foreign just seems more special, and things to be gleaned when you're looking at it from a different perspective altogether. Today, I saw in Hougang many things that I had inadvertently neglected to notice before. And it was frankly quite an interesting experience considering the things I saw.

Something just happened which honestly, quite dissipated the good cheer accumulated from today. Oh well, be positive!

Chingay's tomorow. Motivators are going to rock Chingay 09! Welcome to Chingay, Alright, Ok!

The signs are clear, its unmistakable that it's real, but oh boy, don't you dare follow those signs when your heart's torn in two. I feel like time's just flashing back to the post entitled what endures right now. Goodnight!

Wings

2009-01-28T17:42:00.004+08:00

Lost.

My shivering hands reach out ahead, I strain my fingertips, but, I cannot see. Pray, take me, take my worn self into your gentle wings and fly us away. Thou has left me in the deepest valley of hearts, and shall I do well to pine?

Sweet.

Tremulously these weary feet of mine brings me closer, little inch by majestic inch, the heart pumps with such bated breathlessness that I think it would pop right out of my mouth. So I keep my mouth closed as the distance is closed up, I look up finally, and breathing seems that little bit easier. I pretend nothing is out of the ordinary, as always. But, but what for?

Love.

There now, the world closes, narrows down. Only one, or one and only, seems to capture all attention, with the merry raindrops as they smiled.

Melancholy.

Very astute, he inwardly pondered, but the distance, was only ever an emotionally charged distance. Never seen, just felt? And then it was over. The expectant beating of his heart, the mind rendered dizzy had barely time to get a grip before it was,

Gone.

Saving Grace

2009-01-24T20:17:00.002+08:00

Happy Lunar New Year's Eve's Eve.

So there was Ivanhoe meeting in the morning and Chingay leaders walkthrough in the afternoon. The day wasn't eventful, except that we went shopping after that.

There's a deep feeling of abjection that never seems to get shaken off. A new writing should be up pretty soon.

Holding back

2009-01-23T22:58:00.002+08:00

Being back at DHS after such a long time was particularly significant because of the profound difference in the school. No, it's not probably because many teachers present during my time have left, not because there are new sections and additions to the school, but rather, the time there was wondrouslyy captivating because of the different tone of the school. It's just akin to describing a new castle attempting to preserve it's fading heritage from the olden days. Still, it was really nice and heartwarming to see many teachers and schoolmates again after such a long time, and I really enjoyed the few hours spent there after VJ's CNY celebrations today.

Went to the gym with Wenkai and Quanyi thereafter, was quite an interesting experience for me, and definitely a motivation to more training in the future. Ran to Parkway for dinner, and brisk walked/ran back thereafter. It's just simply put, a great experience because of the great company.

That pretty much concludes the day's events. VJ's CNY Celebrations were really fun, going back to my secondary school was really eye opening whilst exercising was really fufilling. One nagging melancholy however, struck deep in my heart when I was about to leave my secondary school today. It's just something I've been woefully trying not to face, albeit failing, and miserably at that. Like distant stabbing pains, it hurts, even more so when you face it.

Sacrifices are painfully essential, sometimes, when you progress higher, perhaps, you are forced to sacrifice some relationships you really treasure, or perhaps, they would be forced to distance themselves from you. It wearies you, perhaps it wearies them too, but it is in fact brutally truthful to say there isn't much of a choice. My heart pumps with a pining regret each time this happens, for I never asked for it, yet it came. Please, grant me strength, to accept those things I cannot change. I may not show it, but still I care...

Brain

2009-01-22T21:06:00.000+08:00

Spinning. Spinning. Turn faster you blurry wreck, swirl of colours & messy jumble. Press the button, no, don't do it, oh no. More, that little madness, raging rumble. Limit going, alarm sounding, maybe it's not that way after all. Something's slowing, quieting down.